You know when you find those things that you just love to do, but you can’t figure out why you love to do them?
Last night, trying to shower, get ready for bed quickly, and get to sleep asap, after I got home at 11:30, I couldn’t let myself go to sleep. Why? Because I just had to work on this daisy chain.
I spent a chunk of the day yesterday looking up how to make one’s own super-mega-chunky yarn (because I want to make an arm-knitted blanket, thanks to my friend Devon), and had stocked up on some beautiful green yarn after school, in order to make said super-mega-chunky yarn*. I had already begun making the daisy chain I needed with this green yarn, before going to an art opening – which was totally fabulous, by the way -, and yet it was as though I had to work on it more. Not out of a painful need, but a joyful one; I was just so ecstatic about making the yarn.
Feeling like a 4-year-old on the eve of his birthday party, I just couldn’t go to sleep. I finally just had to be my own mommy for the night, and tell myself (aloud, actually) to put away the yarn, I can work on it tomorrow, when I can enjoy it even more, because I am feeling rested, because I actually went to sleep tonight… Hmm.
What is it about this kind of thing? It happens to me almost every time I knit, or start making bracelets**. I just don’t want to put it down. No, it’s not that. The experience is that I am totally engrossed in making whatever it is, and I want to stay in that space of pure, free, delight. Even when I know it’s a good idea to get ready for bed, I can’t seem to get myself away from working. I have to set myself a sort of cutoff or curfew each time (e.g. Five more minutes, and then put it down. Twelve more rows, and then walk away.), or else I’ll never stop. (I once worked on a puzzle all through the night, because I just couldn’t stop.) I keep thinking about what I can produce by doing the work, and it is as though the end product pulls me toward it (in time and space, I guess), having me work and work and work, and never want to stop until it’s finished.
Is there a way I can have a career that feels like this for me? That is the dream, and I want to make that dream real. For sure.
*Apparently you can just crochet however many strands of yarn you want together, using a simple slip stitch (aka daisy chain in laymen’s terms), and then use the chain as the crazy thick yarn. So that’s what I was working on last night (and tonight).
**I make simple stretch bracelets out of spherical natural stone beads, because I could’t find ones like I wanted way back when, and so I just made my own… and then loved making them, so kept buying more stone beads and making more bracelets.
Day 16 of 40