Afraid of Greatness (in Language) (Really?)

I recently have been terrified of learning and using the Japanese language.  Why?  Because I am terrified of the millions of mistakes I know will ensue the moment I attempt to use anything beyond a small “Ohayou,” or “Konnichiwa,” (which I already happen to mess up regularly).  

What is it that has me be afraid of these millions of little mistakes, which I have make thousands of times before with other languages?  

Truly, I believe it is because I know what happens when I make mistakes.  When I make a mistake, firstly, I am opening myself up, making myself vulnerable to all those around me; secondly, by being open and vulnerable, I am allowing myself a chance to learn more about who I truly am, what I have inside.  And, frankly, I’m terrified of what I might find.  Not because I think what I might find is bad.  Certainly not.  But because, as the beautiful words of Marianne Williamson said, my deepest fear is not that I am inadequate, but that I am powerful beyond measure.  What if, by opening up, making mistakes, and throwing myself into learning Japanese, I finally discover what I want to do with my life, and I go and do it?  

How amazing would that be?  

And, thus, how terrifying.

 

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