Today I continued with my breakdown, in search of what is in the way for my having a breakthrough.
I sat on the stairwell as a sort of escape, and a fabulous English-speaker found me and chatted me up for the whole first period… I managed to find some things behind a lot of my stress, and it allowed me to let go of a Lot of my struggles; I even made jokes about how ridiculous I was seeing things, and I meant them with a happy, goofy, joking heart. I mean, I totally cried my eyes out, as well, but the conversation created this beautiful clearing for me, and the person talking with me was just incredible at accepting me where I was, and letting me be however I needed to be.
At the end of it, she said, somewhat singsong-y, “Cheer up.” I added, “Charlie…” to finish the tune it sounded like she was carrying, and ended up laughing and crying a bit more.
I went and found the song, and listened to it before I had to do anything else, and it became my personal heart song around the whole situation (I kind of made up that term, but it seems to give the right experience). I plan to listen to it every day that I find myself stressed about my job again.
So, these are good things, of course. However, the thing I most want to share is what happened this afternoon.
I went ahead and sent the YouTube link to that person from the stairwell (I had her e-mail as of or conversation, you see), so that she could hear the song (since she had never seen the film (only the Johnny Depp “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”)). This was during the morning. Around two or three p.m., she comes by my desk and tells me with a smile, ‘I received the song you sent to me, and I just listened to it in the bathroom. It is quite nice. Thank you for sending it to me.’
‘In the BATHroom? Just now? Really??’
Chuckling quietly, ‘Yes… it was the only place that is out of the way, so it would not bother anyone.’
I was delighted. And still am. 😀