You know the days when, at home in the evening, you feel like you have nothing left to do? Tonight feels like that to me. I’m sitting on the floor in my living room, wondering what else to do. Certainly, I have at least ten legitimate things I could do right now, – work on my rainstick or flute or swords, paint the painting I’ve had in mind for the past few days, clean something, wash some clothes, dye some more eggs, listen to my audiobook, read my current daytime book, etc. – however, I don’t feel a need to do any of them. My experience is similar to that of cleaning days as a child. We would get a list of things to clean and/or organize around the house, and cross off each one as we completed it, leaving us satisfying exhausted at the end of all the cleaning – our list was all marked off, and we had truly accomplished a good handful of beneficial tasks. We could settle down on the sofa with something to eat and drink, and pass out at will. Today, for whatever reason, has felt like one of those days. And I didn’t even clean anything.
But I still have that sense of accomplishment and completion, combined with a happy exhaustion. I keep glancing around, checking if there’s something wanting me to do it. And I keep coming up with nothing – I did everything for today, is the thought I keep having and distrusting. But I think who I was today is what allowed me to have such a sense of success and task-completion for the day. I wore the clothes, and did the activities, I talked with people, I tried things, I wandered, and, above all, I feared, yet still did it all. I experienced fear so much today, it was ridiculous, but the best part about it is that I accepted the fear almost every time, and just went onward anyway – I went for what mattered to me, even in the face of fear. And so, naturally, I am incredibly exhausted, but also incredibly satisfied and content. I have done my duty for today, and now I can rest. When I wake, it will be a new day. Happy Easter, Folks.