Still Awake at 6am

I’m sitting on the bathroom floor, eating bagel-shaped bread (that is not a bagel), stretching, occasionally gulping water, and writing this.  My two roommates are asleep already, it is 6:05am, and I have spent the past many hours dancing.

The ballroom sort of closed around 4:30, but I was having such a great time dancing, I didn’t want the music and dancing to stop.  Plus, I hadn’t gotten to dance with one friend who was still there, and I had been wanting to dance with him since I’d first seen him at the dance event earlier tonight.  So the DJ – he also happens to be the event director – said that just the friend and I would be dancing, and everyone else would watch (seeing as the ballroom was closing and all), and announced us as though we were a couple in a competition from earlier tonight.

For whatever reason, everyone, as they gathered around in the floor, ended up encircling us, and stretching out their legs so that they formed a very large star around us on the floor.  As we danced, they clapped along and cheered us on.  When we finished, everyone agreed that another couple needed to dance, now that we had started this whole contest idea.  The DJ, glorious in his will to be ever-spontaneous in order to suit the current situation, allowed and rolled with the idea.

So, another couple danced, and we cheered them on.  And we went through all five couples sitting on the floor, plus the one girl who had been recording, over to the side.  One of the other girls and I traded off dancing with her, since the DJ declared that he had to remain DJing.  (Cough-cough, though really I enjoyed getting to lead in his place.)

We didn’t do an all-skate at the end (where all the couple dance one song together).  Most everyone was too tired.  But that’s okay.  We had an amazing Superstar dance contest in the middle of a human star, and that’s more than fine with me.  😛
Post-a-day 2017

Our Stories

“Share your story here…”. Share your story here.  Share your story here?  What is my story?

Tonight, my story is that I am like Rapunzel, locked on my own in a tower, merely dreaming of what life could be if only I weren’t stuck in this tower.  I want to cuddle up and cry with my despair and loneliness.  The earth just shook long and low beneath me, deepening my unease for a handful of seconds.  I don’t want to turn off the light – there seems to be a certain power in its being illuminated (and I do not mean the electricity), a power to keep me safe and okay and able to handle things.

Tonight, my story is that I am lonely and alone, and, though I am so close to being in a place I could and do call home, I feel as though I am in the point A to point B race where you constantly only go half the distance, thereby making progress toward the desired destination, but never actually arriving there.

Also, that just reminded me of how much I love Patrick Swayze.  I wish I could have been in the film “Dirty Dancing”.

Anyway… I want to cry tonight, and to let it all go, leaving me to wake up refreshed and excited and capable in the morning.
Post-a-day 2017

You’ve got mail

During the credits of the film “You’ve Got Mail”, there’s a song that comes on where a guy is singing about how he is going to sit right down and write himself a love letter, ‘and pretend it’s from you.’  I’ve been thinking about it since then, and I’m going to do just that for myself.  I don’t know who you are, exactly, but I believe you are out there somewhere, and, if we were together – meaning a pair, duo – now, you might send me this email/letter.

-—————————–

Hey, hon.

Just sending you a quick message.

First off, I love you.
Secondly, I miss you (Duh, of course I do.).  And, though we are almost literally worlds apart, I am okay, because you love me and care about me and are with me.
Thirdly, I love you.  Just so we’re clear.  😉  You have developed and changed so much these past few months, and I can hardly wait to get to know and to love all the new parts there are to you.  (I’m being somewhat sappy, I know, but I get to do that every so often, right? Right.)

(Now to the body paragraph(s).)

I hope you had a great day today.  We’re just getting started over here, and it’s a beautiful day.  How is your breathing?  Short, hot, and firey today, I presume, since it was a Monday.  Hopefully, you’ve stretched them out to long, slow, and deep by bedtime – I want you resting well while you are able to sleep, you know?  You’ve got to take care of yourself… keep your balance, now that you’re back standing again.

By the way, I think five minutes a day dedicated to your abdomen would get you the comfort you’re wanting for your beach-going.  You could do two and a half minutes just before sleeping, and another two and a half just after you wake up in the mornings.  That would give you a full five, and a significant improvement for that slightly-tubbier-than-usual belly of yours.  (We’ll be a rockin’ bods pair when you’re back here and we head beachside.)

Loving you with the sun and moon, babe,

~~~~

A philosopher for the moment

Today, I did some fun things including showing up my friend at children’s games, but I don’t feel like sharing about that right now.  I feel like being philosophical, ponderous… something like that.  And yet, here I lie with almost no thoughts, no words in mind or even on their way.  I am listening to the guitar upstairs, and what sounds like company sharing in the music for once (it is Saturday night, after all).  I am somewhat worried about the next couple months, specifically regarding how they will unfold.  I fear regrets, especially for after I have left this country, and am back living in my own.  I fear my being wonderful and amazingly successful in my endeavors once I’m back there.  I fear letting go of my endeavors in exchange for something safe.  I fear not becoming myself, not being myself once I am back there in a seemingly unchanged world as an incredibly changed person.  Someone told us to take a picture of ourselves before we begin this time in Japan.  I had forgotten to do that before leaving home, but I took a picture in the elevator on my way down to our very first meeting on my first day of orientation here.  I wonder what I will see different in my final photo as I say goodbye to this place.  I know that the two people in the photos are similar, however, they are in no way the same.  I loved and still do love who the former person was, and I do not want to become her again.  

These are things that are sitting in my being right now.  If you would have asked me before I wrote this, what I was thinking, I couldn’t have told you.  But now, as I have written this, I can see clearly that this is what was resting in my mind, in my heart, in my bones and flesh and breath… in fact, somewhat restricting my breath…, and that that is why I do not care to share the joys of today, but feel myself to be of a philosophical persuasion at present.  I could have lived with the greats right now.
Post-a-day 2017 

Sofa Buddies

What is it about sofas that makes them such a comfort?  I mean this question in a specific sense, though I am not actually looking for any specific answer.  Many a time, growing up, I found myself frightened in my bedroom, and so went down/out to the sofa in the living room to attempt to fall back asleep (usually passing out somewhat promptly each time).  Even nowadays, there is still something so comforting about the sofa, I regularly have a sort of desire to snuggle down and fall asleep on it, instead of getting up and going into my bedroom to fall asleep.

Perhaps is it the residual psychological and emotional link between the sofa and getting to watch cartoons and movies, and being snuggled by the dogs or my siblings or parent, and late-night movies when we didn’t have to get up early the next day, and enjoying summer vacation.  Perhaps it is the foot rubs my dad and I would exchange as we watched tv together in the evenings.  Perhaps it is because we always seemed to have amazing blankets to use on the couch.  Perhaps it is none of the aforementioned, and perhaps it is all of it, and perhaps even more still.  I don’t know what it is that makes sofas such a comforting, cozy, happy place for me.  But there is something about them, I just love hanging on the sofa, which is why I am now writing about it, as I lounge on my own sofa bed and notice my feelings of not wanting to get up and go get in my own real bed to go to sleep (although I am actually quite tired).  🙂
Post-a-day 2017

Being my own parent?

Now that I’m on my own and in charge of my own schedule, I find that I regularly wish I had someone to be a sort of accountability buddy. I’m essentially being the parent and the non-compliant, sneaky child all at once.  I tell myself that I really need to go to bed by 9:30 each night, and around 11:45, I start to be all concerned and upset about having not followed my desired bedtime.  When I had an enforcer (e.g. Parents or siblings), it was much easier actually to get a good night’s sleep than it is now.  No matter what the excuse back then, it almost never mattered – I went to bed anyway.  Nowadays, I don’t even have to try to convince myself to stay up.  I’m just so distracted by whatever it is, I don’t even seem to realize that an hour has passed, and I’m still not even close to ready for bed.

So, this leaves me either wishing for an accountability partner for my sleep, or, essentially, a parent or babysitter, who can make me go to bed on time.

To be fair, though, when I actually set a rule for myself, I follow it.  For example, I have just this week decreed that I need to be finished with computer and tech stuff by 9pm each night.  This includes writing for this weblog.  Hopefully, that means I’ll start getting to work on it much earlier in the evening or day each day, giving myself more time to have it meet my own standards again.  That’d be nice, hmm?  (I think so, anyway.). Anyway, it’s two ’til, so I’m off!  Goodnight and good day, folks! ❤ 
Post-a-day 2017