Two not-so-great things happened today at work. 1) I hid under my desk again (second time so far here). 2) I took a stupid typing test, and only got 60 words per minute.
For the desk thing, it’s just a whole new world, working here with these kids. Education that has felt like second nature to me most of my life, is a piece of education that has somehow eluded a good chunk of these guys, thanks to stereotypes and income levels of families. The first time I hid under my desk, I think I just wanted to be alone, after a good hour or two of kids being kids, unable to handle sitting in a classroom, even for five minutes at a time (we get up and about in the room a lot during class, excluding test and quiz days). Today, it was a bit of that, but mostly my distaste at the unfortunate lack of capability of many of these high schoolers to do basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. I took these same classes at their same ages, and yet I flew threw most of this stuff. Not only was I good at math, but I had friends and family to support me with it, whether I needed the help or not. These kids just plain don’t. So, I’m not sure if it was so much the annoyance at the kids being restless today, as it was their social and educational backgrounds that really just have me wanting to curl up and cry, and go away… but ‘out of sight, out of mind’ has never really been one of my supported phrases in life.
And, for the typing test, it was stupid. It was for doing Aesop’s fables, including their titles and an introduction. I didn’t have a single error in the final product, because I corrected as I went, but the flow was difficult, because it was different formatting with the titles and such. Aren’t typing tests traditionally of paragraphs? Perhaps my belief in that is a false one, but it makes more sense to me for a general standard test than what I had today. Anyway, it was some free online test, so I don’t expect it to be the best standard… it was just kind of annoying. Hopefully I am right, and my typing speed is actually faster than just 60 words per minute. I didn’t even have a comfortable positioning of the keyboard and everything, either, so I don’t really see why I’m upset about it. I guess I’m just tired and feeling ill today, and that’s bringing me down in more ways than one right now.
Do you ever find yourself lying in bed at night, thinking about nothing in particular, and just lying there with the last light still illuminated, unsure of what you are doing? It happens to me every so often. I wonder if it has to do with stress or decisions, or even something else like that. I was doing it just now, though I’m not sure why. I just know that I suddenly realized that I am uttlery exhausted, and yet I have not even tried to do my bit-o-writing and reading for the night so that I could actually go to sleep – I was just observing my fairy lights on the wall (my main night lights and room illuminations ever since I saw it at my cousin’s friend’s house when we all were in college), and not intentionally. It’s as though I want the moment or night to last longer, without realizing the want… or something like that, anyway.
I don’t know. I am exhausted, though, and that I do know.
Fuji-San has worn me out. The whole adventure has. So much so, that my eyes are burning, and I cannot put forth the needed effort to write about it today. I must go to sleep now, and write about it another day, perhaps tomorrow.
So much of my food here is selected based mainly on it’s ability to satisfy hunger while leaving the wallet as heavy as possible. The sandwich I had today, my dinner tonight – I hardly want to eat either one, ever. And yet, I’ve had the same sandwich thing multiple times this past year. Why? Because it fills me without voiding my wallet.
I can hardly wait never to have to eat like this again. At least, as part of my daily life, I mean. It’s exhausting, figuring out what to eat, when I really don’t like – and even rather dislike – the foods around and available to me. I’ve never eaten in so many restaurants, and had to take deep breaths and just ‘deal with it’ in my entire life before moving here as I have this past year. I’m tired of it all. Clearly Japanese food is just not my style. I leave it to others to enjoy, therefore.
Bring on the green smoothies, salads, and everything not Japanese, Houston. I’m ready.
My head hurts. I think I need food, water, And sleep.
As I thought about just now how my head hurts, I realized that I can express that fact/sentiment in five languages, and without even having to think about it.
My head hurts. (Duh)
Me duele en la cabeza.
J’ai mal à la tête.
Ich habe Kopfschmerzen.
Rad, huh? My life is super blessed. Thank you, God. Now, I’ll have a bit more water, and then sleep!
Sometimes, I just have to accept that my day’s productivity will consist of mental and physical rejuvenation (e.g. resting around all day), as opposed to standard ideas of ‘being productive’. There can be a hundred things I want to accomplish on a day off of work. However, if that day comes at the end of a long stream of busy, filled, tiring work days, then I might just need to postpone all 100 tasks. Otherwise, I won’t even make it through the day.
I want a lifestyle where I balance out these tasks and this rest in a beautiful, perfect combination of activity and rejuvenation. I think there is true value in having a day of rest in every week. The religions really got that one right. No joke, yo.